Saturday, April 24, 2010
reflections
Fairy House tour
Come to Chimney Park for the second annual tour of enchanting fairy houses. May 1, 2020, 2-5 PM - free event. Experience the magic as you wander through the park enjoying music, storytelling, crafts, and exhibits. Gather 'round the maypole. Bring your own natural materials to build a fairy village.
Enter to win raffles, and participate in a silent auction of area artists' workon display in the library meeting room beginning April 19.
Chimney Park is just behind the Newton County Library
Please pass information on. Also I have attached the flyer for anyone that would like to print it to hand out or display.
Thank you!!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Stella & Dot reminder
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday at the Masters 2010
Sunday at the Masters 2010
Thursday, April 01, 2010
You're invited to Kelli Hopkins' Online Stella & Dot Shopping Event
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Mary Elizabeth's 17th birthday
Mary Elizabeth's 17th birthday
Monday, March 29, 2010
appt update
Saturday, March 27, 2010
No Matter What Happens
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Abe's MRI results
Yesterday I got a call from Dr. Goldstein. He started our conversation by saying he was very very sorry. Never a good thing. I remember taking a deep breath & thinking we have gotten bad test results before.
He said Abe's MRI has gotten worse. He said it shows atrophy (wasting away). Sometimes I think it's better not to know the meaning of words. However I know that word well. As soon as he said it I thought - no it cant' be. He went on to say there is evidence of a progressive metabolic disorder.
He said he would send the results over to Dr. Shoffner so they could hopefully come up with a plan for supplements to help slow the progression. Immediately I thought what if we had not had a break in giving him CoQ10. What had I done? Have I caused this progression? All I could think is I need to talk to Mo. I need to hear her thoughts. I need to ask questions she & Dr. Shoffner will hopefully have the answers to.
When I hung up the phone it didn't hit me. Slowly over time the truth began to sink in. It has hit hard. I have gone from being angry, to hurt, to sad, to scared. Right now I am thankful. I can only tell you that that came from God. I am so thankful to be thankful. However that may be different by the time you read this.
I am so hoping that when Mo gets back in town her thoughts will be different. I am praying for different thoughts & a better outlook. I so hope they were read or interpreted wrong.
Shriner's appt update
Thursday morning we left to go to Shriners hospital at 5:30. I was feeling really sick. My nerves I guess. The drive there was very nice. It was beautiful to watch the sky slowly light up. God was painting this glorious picture for us to enjoy on the way. They colors were
amazing.
We got there an check in was great. Mike took Mary Elizabeth down to x-ray. While we were waiting on them they called us back, triaged Michala & put us in a room. Mike got Mary Elizabeth triaged after her
x-ray. He got her back to the room & it was time for him to go for his conference call for work.
Mary Elizabeth was there for CP clinic. The doctor seeing her was young. She was good & seemed knowledgable. She said that Mary
Elizabeth's curve in her back had gotten worse but was still ok without surgery. She said the good thing was that it was not the type of scoliosis that would impact her breathing.
Next we waited for genetics. A new geneticist came in which I hate only because I hate going over all those questions. I should have a tape recorder. I think that's all suppose to be part of my healing & growing process. I think I was having a hard to mold day.
She was concerned about Mary Elizabeth curve until she saw Michala. She said oh Michala's is much worse than Mary Elizabeth's. You know just kinda of that more & more stuff coming in. She left & said Dr. Saul would be back in. He is the one that discover the unusual gene
mutation on Michala. I really like him.
Well he came in and said I know that Dr. Shoffner (metabolic specialist Mo works for) has already told you what an unusually rare family you have. He said obviously we want to find a link between the
3 children but it doesn't look promising.
They asked us to enroll Mary Elizabeth & Michala in a study they are doing. He said it may not help them but the information would help others. We told him yes. They ended up getting blood from all of us except Marlee Anne. They were great at getting the blood even though it took about an hour to get it from Mary Elizabeth. Blood draws are always stressful for us but it helped that we stayed in the room & they came to us to get it.
The ride home was beautiful too. Everyone did great. Michala had had enough about an hour from home & wasn't so happy.
I feel like I should stop here & start a completely different email. You know what I will just for my journaling sake.
Thank you so much for the prayers for our trip to Shriners.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
WHEN?
outside and ask. They are checking now.
As I sit here praying part of my prayer includes something I have been praying about lately. When do we get to the point that we say enough is enough. I am praying for God to clearly say ok we are here. We have searched all we can to help Abe. Here is the child I have created. Here he is. Take him, love & nurture him.
My head wants more. My head wants answers. My heart says enough. My heart has put him through enough.
I don't remember the exact moments or even years when we got to that point with Mary Elizabeth & Michala. I just know the feeling of peace that came flooding over me when we said ok. It's ok. We will now choose to treat their symptoms instead of putting them through unnecessary stress just to find answers. Especially if those answers are not going to help & are not going to change things. If it's something they can do to help get answers or find a cure for someone else & nothing too stressful or painful is involved then ok. Other than that I am at peace with their lives.
For the most part I have good days. I love my family & I cherish the blessings they are. Some days that is overshadowed by seizures or all the overwhelming medical junk. Usually insurance & medical bills &
being tired from jumping through hoops.
Yesterday as I was talking to my niece I broke down worse than I have in quite sometime. As I was crying Marlee Anne came to see what was wrong. I told her I was ok. She sat beside me, put her arm around me &
said mom when Abe gets to heaven he will be fine. He will run & play & everything will be fine. It's like sometimes she becomes this wise adult sent to teach me so much.
Then just the other day she was talking about soon when Abe walks & talks. She said she can't wait to hear his voice. She hopes & longs for so much for him. A feeling I know oh too well.
I will admit this has been a very long & stressful week. I am so glad we have those appts behind us. The ERG is something I never want to do again. I know never say never. He cried & so did I. Today was just long.
We should get results in a few weeks. It hit me today that I really do not think I want to know. Who wants to know how imperfect, abnormal or messed up their child's brain is. We don't dwell on the negative & I
am afraid this is what that will do. However if it gives insight as to help with his seizures then ok I am ready to listen.
I pulled put my bulldog skirt a couple of times this week. It's now packed away for the weekend.
Tonight we were blessed with a visit from the UGA students from the Metropolitan Design Studio. Along with some awesome local friends. It was a fun visit & a great break from the stressful day. It was so nice
of them to take the time to come by. It really meant a lot to us. More than any of them will ever realize.
That brings me to this & then I will stop for now. You know when you have that leading or tugging on your
heart from God to do something - do it! You never know when you may turn someone's day or even their life around.
This week I received an email from a dear friend of mine, yes dear! She was sharing some thoughts to my
Emory email. I responded back to her & just by her opening that door for me to share more with her it changed my outlook drastically. I went away knowing without a doubt she was praying for those specifics that I asked of her. A friend stepped in at the last minute to sit with the girls so that I could go with Mike & Abe to Emory. Another was a call from my precious friend telling me she loved me. Then a text from a prayer warrior in my life simple saying she was praying for me. Thing is all those things were perfect
timing that could only have come from God's guidance.
Thankful for those in my life that listen to God's guidance & follow through to help carry me through this journey. Whether it's a facebook message, a phone call, a text, an email, cookies, coffee, a card, a pavlova or especially a quite heartfelt prayer - thank you! Praying I will yield myself to God & be used for HIS glory.
Monday, March 08, 2010
more appts
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
We're HOME!!!
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Update
this outlet to share my thoughts. Thanks Sara!
We called the hospital this morning at 6:30 & were told that their
rooms were not ready & to call back at 8:00. At 8:00 we were told to
be at the hospital at 12:00. We got checked in and by 2:30 they had
Michala all hooked up. We are still waiting for her to have a seizure.
Praying she has one soon. She got terribly upset while being hooked
up. So thankful Mike was here with her for that. They were able to get
her lab work done too with only two sticks.
By 3:30 Abe was hooked up. He has had a seizure that last over an hour
with maybe a little bit of a break. They were able to get his labs
after only two sticks too. They gave him 7.5mg of diastat and he
started right back up into a seizure. Finally found his magnet and
after a couple of swipes he stopped. He is resting now. I didn't want
to make the call about the diastat. I wanted to make sure there was
enough info on the VEEG. I feel really bad!
This is so stressful! I am sick at my stomach! I want my mama. I want
this all to go away. Please pray Michala has a good seizure tonight &
one in the morning & they will say ok go home. At home they are still
having them but at least I am not sitting waiting on them to happen.
We have had wonderful nurses & EEG techs. The food leaves A LOT to be
desired. Thankful to have Kendra's muffins & Aunt Nay's snacks with me.
On a high note we got to see Linda & Tori. I even got to teach them
how to make dominos. They are now hooked.
Thanks so much for your prayers!
Heading to hospital
their rooms would be ready at 8:00. We were told to call back at 8:00.
At 8:00 they told us to be there at 12:00. We are on our way in the
snow & sleet. Please pray for a safe journey there. Please pray Mike
makes it back home safely. Also please pray for our friends that are
helping out at the hospital that they can get there safely. Thanks!
Monday, March 01, 2010
VEEG hospital stay
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Snow 2010
Abe's 2nd birthday
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Heart ramblings
My heart has been thinking, dreaming, & even grieving lately. Next Sunday our sweet baby boy turns 2. I immediately thank God for his life & these 2 years. There is definitely reason for him to be here because he could have slipped away so easily. Some people say wow can you believe it's been 2 years. Well yes actually I can. The past 2 years somedays feels like a lifetime of heartache & fear. Then on the other hand no it's just a blink of an eye & I cannot love him enough.
I am grieving the baby I thought for 9 months that I would be having. I am thinking of what would have been. I am dreaming of what he would be like.
For Abe's 2nd birthday we are going to the Big Apple Circus to support Camp Sunshine. He will be 2 and sitting in a wheelchair. A wheelchair?! That's not right! He may not even realize he is at the circus. He may have seizures that day. Why should that day be any different from all the others.
The only gifts I would like to give him for his birthday cannot be purchased. No amount of money can buy what I long for him. Not even the best doctors can heal him. God for whatever reason has chosen not to at this time. That for me is hard! That is so entirely selfish of me because I do believe God makes no mistakes. I believe that Abe is perfect. All the medications & medical equipment, breathing treatments & oxygen get to be too much sometimes. I am first & foremost his mommie. Then I am his caregiver. Today my mommie heart hurts & longs for more. Again that is truly selfish because he doesn't long for amything. His heart is pure & perfect & he knows he has all he needs.
I went through all this with Mary Elizabeth & Michala, well I actually still do on their birthdays. You would think I would be used to it. I so wanted to share this today & not next week so that I could get it out. So I could ask for your prayers. I want next Sunday to be a celebration of a beautiful life that God so perfectly blessed us with.
That's not to say I won't still wish that Abe was sitting up watching the circus, laughing & smiling. I wish to see those sweet feet walking & running. I long to hear him say mommie I love you. I will hold on to that hope.
I know some of you understand this all too well. For that I am so very sorry! I know some of you don't understand but care so much for us. Thank you for letting me ramble & share my heartfelt thoughts.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
signs of my nervous breakdown
Summary of this email: According to Abe's muscle biopsy done by Dr. Shoffner, Abe does not have a mitochondrial disease. He has an extremely rare something (disease or syndrome - I am sure he said but I cannot remember) that Dr. Shoffner has never seen in all his years. There is one other case in Boston. He has contacted his colleagues all over including internationally. They are all intrigued and willing to help name this. Oh yes it doesn't even have a name. Remember I am laughing why I type this.
I summarized this email for those of you that are interested in just the basics. OK for those of you that want to read my much needed ramblings please continue with this email.
Today we met with Dr. Shoffner. who is internationally recognized for his research in rare diseases. People from all over the world travel to see him and have him do their muscle biopsies. We only had to drive 1 hour. The best part is that now Mo is with him. Ya'll remember Mo who was in the NICU with Abe when he was born. Then the day Dr. Holt told us Abe was indeed having infantile spasms she walked in the room and told us she was with Dr. Holt. Now in hopes of helping Abe and other children she is working with Dr. Shoffner.
We or I went in there today expecting answers. I have way thought he would say Abe doesn't have a common mito disease but I do think it's some type of mito. Then I fully expected to get a direction and answers as to how we could help Abe. He has been having seizures non-stop for over 2 days. The moon yes, the weather yes & the 5 teeth he is cutting yes. I know all those play a huge factor with him and I continue to remind myself that this too shall pass. So as we sat there we got none of the above.
Dr. Shoffner said as you know we have found large amounts of tryptophan in Abe's urine. He continue to tell us that what they have found with Abe linked to the tryptophan he has never seen before in all his years. He said it's all very serendipitous. That sounds so nice doesn't it. Reminds me of a Lifetime movie. Not sure who I want to play me but I want Sean Connery to play Mike. Just a few days ago Dr. Shoffner received a call from a friend of his who is a specialist in Boston. He asked Dr. Shoffner if he had ever seen a patient with this tryptophan problem. Dr. Shoffner said yes just a few weeks ago. Again he said very serendipitous. While they sit intrigued we sit in shock, I think. I think that's one of the feelings I am feeling now. Several times throughout our meeting he said I hope I am getting my point across about how extremely rare this is. He said you are an extremely rare family. OK you know I am perfectly fine with common. A common cold, common symptoms, common anything.
He asked us what led us to have more children after Mary Elizabeth. Mike explained to him that we wanted more children and there was no reason not to. No one had ever made us aware of a reason not to have more children. I went on to tell him that we were told Mary Elizabeth's mitochondrial disease was a sporadic mutation. I realize that a lot of people think we are crazy for having more children after the first one. There are some people that wouldn't have. Then we went on to tell him that when Michala was diagnosed with Aicardi syndrome we were told that it didn't happen more than once in a family. Plus my wonderful friend MaryEllen said we had to have another child. Then Marlee Anne is born and we thought WOW we can have a typical child that is healthy. Why not have another one? Right? OK ya'll don't have to answer that. I know and have been told by some of my closest friends that they thought we had totally lost it when we told them that we were having another baby. He asked if none of the doctors or geneticist we had seen had never told us not to have more children. No we were never told that. However I want to share now that I fully believe everything happens for a reason. I fully trust and believe this children are God's children created perfectly. Maybe not in the medical eyes, maybe not in society's eyes but in the eyes of us and those that love them they are perfect. We did tell him that had we known we would not have had any more children. We would love not to have the medical, financial and emotional burdens that we deal with daily because of their disabilities. I think of our life without them and realize how unfulfilled and empty it would be. It would have been a mistake for us to take all that into our own hands. So here we sit with our extremely rare family. LOL!!!
OK if you have gotten that far please continue to read this or come back to it at a later time. It is really quite humorous and the reason that Kim & Kendra will never again call us and ask how our appt went. I threw up on them with all of this within a matter of minutes. I was so hoping that would help me process it. Laughing now but don't expect that tomorrow or don't be surprised when it hits me & I am crying about it all.
Well they had just moved into a new office and today was the first time they were seeing patients there. It's a great location, great set up, very nice, clean, comfortable and welcoming. Yes I realize we were going to a doctor office and I am not sure what I just described. We walk in and Dr. Shoffner calls us right back. He goes over everything with us, checks Abe out and we go out to wait for the labs. Michala gets called back first. Carla is the phlebotomist and is wonderful! Last time she took blood from Mike & I and neither one of us felt it. Well that's not Michala's problem. Michala's problem is that she hates to be held down ever since she was held down for chemotherapy access. So Mike takes her back. While she is screaming in the back, yes we can hear it all the way to the front of the building. I bet their neighbors are thinking WHAT just moved in next door. Any way while she is having blood drawn I bag Abe to get his urine. The diaper I take off is soaked so I think it will be a little while before he goes. As soon as I get the bag on he goes so much that it overflows the bag and gets his pants wet. I didn't even have a change of clothes for him. I just lose it right there. I start laughing hysterically. I know the mom is thinking oh my I am about to see a real live nervous breakdown right here and now. Good thing is that mom probably wouldn't think anything of it. I pick him Abe and head to the lab to get a specimen cup. I go to the next room and get the urine from the bag in the cup. Then I am thinking ok I need to get this back to the lab, clean Abe up, clean me up and the room we were just in. I walk back to the lab and Michala is still screaming, flailing about, grabbing Mike, pink tape all around one arm & really giving Carla fits. Give Carla the urine and go to get the room cleaned up. Mo sees me and says no she will get it.
I get back out to the waiting area and sit down on the verge of tears. I just know something is going to trigger it. I had already cried a little when we were in with Dr. Shoffner. As I was sitting there holding Abe while Mary Elizabeth is singing and laughing. Yes she knows nothing is going to happen to her today and she is so very happy. In walks a couple with a special needs child in a wheelchair. The mom sits down and goes oh my look at that double wheelchair I have never seen one of those before. LOL!!! We are used to looks and stares from most people but from them. No I am only joking she was very intrigued by it. Mo even asked if she could bring a mom to see it.
Mike walks out and his neck is bleeding from Michala clawing him while he tried to hold her down for blood work. He said good thing she battled cancer when she was young cause going through chemo now would be really rough. Mo comes out with scratches all over her too I think. She looks at me and says you ok. I honestly say no, no I am not. She says you want some water. Well I crack up. I said Mo water is not gonna do it. She laughs and still hands me some water.
Michala is grabbing at her arms. Yes arms. Carla had to stick her 3 times to get all the blood they needed. Michala kept getting mad and tensing up and she would blow the vein. Mary Elizabeth is still laughing like na na na boo boo and singing to the top of her lungs. Mike said I am taking these two out to the van. Marlee Anne waits with me.
In a little while Carla calls us back for Abe's labs. As she is prepping Abe she says now this is Marlee Anne. I said yes. Marlee Anne goes why. She said well I need to get blood from you too. Well Marlee Anne's face goes white. I really think she is about to pass out. Then she starts sobbing. I mean boo hooing. We get Abe's blood drawn all the while Marlee Anne is crying and trying to figure out a way to get out of this. My phone was in the bag when Mike took the girls out. I can't even call him or send a message to ask everyone to pray for her. I just pray harder with her.
When Carla gets done with Abe she tells Marlee Anne she needs her to give her a sample in the cup. Marlee Anne jumps up and says oh I can do that I need to go. Well we go to the restroom and Marlee Anne does a great job. I am about to bust but remember Mike took the girls out and I have nothing for Abe to be in. I ask Marlee Anne to hold him. She tries but he is too heavy. As I sit on the potty holding Abe, Marlee Anne says you should have taken us out to sit in there chair right out there. The mind of a child. She was so right. Instead I am holding Abe while I potty. I finally get my pants pulled up but Marlee Anne has to zip them. Wash up, grab a paper towel to get the specimen cup and head out. As soon as we walk out the door Mo is there and says oh ya'll still here. I give her the look and say don't even go there.
We go back in and Marlee Anne sits down like such a big girl. She did an amazing job. One stick and she gets 3 vials filled up. She bleeds really fast like her daddy. I was so incredibly proud of her. She was so excited to show her daddy her smiley face bandage. Didn't even get a picture of her first time giving blood.Still not too sure she will be a blood donor. She said that if it will help other people she will do it.
Our plans were to go have a nice supper before heading home. Well the screaming, crying, laughing and the seizures changed those plans. Mike did stop by Cheesecake Factory for take out cheesecake and coffee. YUM!!!
We get home and I get my H1N1 vaccination. Everyone had already gotten theirs so I was glad to get mine out of the way. OK as if all that wasn't enough for one day I remove a child proof outlet cover and blue sparks fly. Then the TV, TIVO and Abe's feeding pump stop. Mike checks the fuse box and nothing is tripped. I put the cover back on and everything comes back on. Not the way that should happen. We get in touch with Uncle Roy and he says do not use that outlet tonight. WHAT? NO TIVO? That's one of my things in life that I would have to try very hard to replace right away if something happened to it. I only have about 5 "things" that are that way and that's one big one. So Mike brings in a HUGE orange extension cord and runs everything into that. LIFE! Sometimes you just got to laugh about it.
If ya'll made it this far through these heart ramblings of mine then thank you. Thank you for trying to understand and walk this journey with us. Thanks for your continued prayers and support.
With love & gratefulness
Kelli
mommie 2 4 incredibly rare and beautiful angels
married to an extremely rare angel (I truly mean that)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Our Disney vinyl decal
Monday, October 05, 2009
answered prayers!!!
Just wanted to share some pictures with ya'll. Everyone seems to like them very well. They push really good & fold up really easily. Everything seperate is not too heavy. The double one is heavy to lift with both seats on it but I wouldn't do that by myself any way too often.
This is such a God thing from the way it happened. I received the email from the Mito listserv while sitting in Dr. Shoffner's office. That same week we were already scheduled to meet with David from Mobility Designs about their wheelchairs. I sent the email to Lynda right then. Had I not known about this we would have ordered something totally different. I cannot thank David and Lynda enough for the work they did to get these. I cannot thank the person from the Mito list that sent this out. This is the first tandem they had done. Terry brought them out. He and Lynda both were as excited as I was.
Thanks again for all your prayers!!!