Yesterday we celebrated our sweet girls 13th birthday. In two separate states, 1400 miles away, we celebrated her life. Last night I laid down with a thankful heart but still a very heavy heart that I have each night. When my eyes opened my heart was still incredibly heavy. Why Lord? The calendar - what's the date. The 7th. That dreaded day, that dreaded number. What month is it? How many months has it been. I begin counting. 6 it has been 6 months. After Abe passed away I didn't think I could ever hurt that way and especially not so soon. My heart had not begun to heal. I had not begun to process what was happening. I had not stopped blaming myself for Abe's death when God called Mary Elizabeth home and I was now blaming myself for two of my children's death. What if? What if I had heard Abe? What if I had taken Mary Elizabeth to the hospital sooner? I know in my heart where these thoughts come from but there is a war raging inside me that I battle every single morning. Before I even have time to put my armor on the enemy is attacking. I don't want to live my life like this. Self absorbed, trying my best just to get through the day. I want to be who God created me to be. I want to carry out my children's memory and enjoy this life with my husband and two beautiful daughters I still have here.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
As I pack up to move to our second "home" in CO I pray the next move is back to our HOME in GA. That would mean in 3 months some things really have to change. At first I think no way, then I think back on this past year to the handful of families, a strong little warrior, the mommy lobby, those precious daddies, the fearless leader, along with strong legislative supporters under the gold dome that did more in GA than I thought could happen. I think back to what we had to do to get to CO, who we lost in the planning stages, the man that was waiting to give Michala some liquid gold, the change the first dose made, the church family God provided us with, the GA friends He surrounded us with, the CO peeps we have fallen in love with and this beautiful state. Why put limits on God? I know if it's His will it can be done in 3 months. If not He will open the door for another place and He will continue to carry us on this journey.