The grief counselor said to write letters to those loved ones we miss. That might help they said. At this point it definitely can't hurt.
Mom, four years ago today I talked to you for the last time here on earth. I have four years worth of stuff I need to talk to you about. First I will tell you thank you for creating a Jesus loving home for me to grow up in. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally. I'm not sure why God thought taking you before He took my babies home was a good idea. Maybe so I would rely on Him more. By His grace I get out of bed each day even when I really don't want to. I sure do miss you and could really use you here with me. I watched you live this journey when Tommy died but I'm not sure I'm doing it quite right. Life is hard and this hurts so incredibly much. I often hold your bible and flip through searching for words that will bring comfort. I love you Mom.
Thanks so much ya'll for the prayers. I will hopefully catch my breath before the next wave comes in a few days.