Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
I often struggle with understanding the world, why things happen and what was the purpose. Please bear with me as I work through some heart thoughts.
When Abe was transferred from his birth hospital to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta one of Mike's dear friends met us there. Mike asked him why this happened. He told Mike that maybe this wasn't about Abe but about Marlee Anne. He went on to explain how maybe God sent Abe here to change, direct and impact Marlee Anne's life. To this day I haven't forgotten his words.
Over the years lots of people said I bet she will be a nurse. I didn't think she would because taking care of your siblings' medical needs and being in the hospital all the time is something totally different. However whichever direction God leads her in I support. The more she shares about her desire to be a nurse I'm thinking maybe that's it. My mom always wanted to be a nurse so maybe Marlee Anne will do what her Granmama always wanted to do.
Fast forward 9 years later to yesterday when Marlee Anne took her first college Anatomy and Physiology class. She was so excited. She constantly asked mommie did you know this. Mommie did you know this. She even quizzed dad when he got home. As she was asking me questions I was taken back to that day in the hospital as Mike's friend shared his thoughts as we struggled to find peace and understanding. I had to choke back tears, as a smile came across my face, while thanking God for that little boy and his mighty impact on his sister's life for 6 years.
Monday, November 07, 2016
FB asked what's on my mind. Some thoughts only a mom whose child has died would understand and not run away. Before Abe and Mary Elizabeth left I couldn't begin to imagine. I thought I could. I tried for my mom and my friends whose children had passed away but those thoughts and feelings didn't come close to the intense pain and emptiness. All day I have gasped for air trying to fill my lungs with air so the pain wouldn't be so unbearable. When my friend says just breathe, all you have to do at this moment is breathe and she knows just how hard it is to do that. One of the things that CHOA did for us on that day two years ago was a mold of Mary Elizabeth's hand. Tonight seemed like a good time to finally open that box and see her little hand. Even as I try to type this the feelings are just too much. To see her hand, to touch it and remember just how little it was and how tiny her fingers were. That brought up many feelings, lots of tears and so many precious memories. I didn't do this gracefully or beautifully today but my sweet girl would have smiled only because that was just her spirit. Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally exhausted. I gave it all I had today my beautiful Mary Elizabeth for you. Your life was celebrated and you are missed.