Saturday, March 20, 2010

Abe's MRI results

Ok the Shriners update is not what is making me sick & upset. It's Abe's results. This is not something I am ready to talk about but people keep asking about results so here they are.

Yesterday I got a call from Dr. Goldstein. He started our conversation by saying he was very very sorry. Never a good thing. I remember taking a deep breath & thinking we have gotten bad test results before.

He said Abe's MRI has gotten worse. He said it shows atrophy (wasting away). Sometimes I think it's better not to know the meaning of words. However I know that word well. As soon as he said it I thought - no it cant' be. He went on to say there is evidence of  a progressive metabolic disorder.

He said he would send the results over to Dr. Shoffner so they could hopefully come up with a plan for supplements to help slow the progression. Immediately I thought what if we had not had a break in giving him CoQ10. What had I done? Have I  caused this progression? All I could think is I need to talk to Mo. I  need to hear her thoughts. I need to ask questions she & Dr. Shoffner will hopefully have the answers to.

When I hung up the phone it didn't hit me.  Slowly over time the truth began to sink in. It has hit hard. I have gone from being angry, to hurt, to sad, to scared. Right now I am thankful. I can only tell you that that came from God. I am so thankful to be thankful. However that may be different by the time you read this.
 
I am determined not to let Satan take my joy. God has blessed me with such an incredible family. I don't want to miss one minute of those blessings because I am worrying about things I have no control over. That is so easy to type & much harder to do. Even though this diagnosis has hit hard we will continue to serve the mighty God that we do. We will continue to allow Him to use us in whatever form & wherever He wishes. We have received hard news before. We were told Mary Elizabeth would not live past the age of three. We were told Michala wouldn't survive her cancer. We know that all this is in God's hands. He had this all planned out way before now. We will continue to rely on Him to carry us through this journey.
 
Now there is an urgency to find out how progressive it is. How much did it progress since the first MRI?

I am so hoping that when Mo gets back in town her thoughts will be different. I am praying for different  thoughts & a better outlook. I so hope they were read or interpreted wrong.
 
Please pray for Abe. Also for us as we come to accept yet another new chapter in our lives.

1 comment:

Katrin said...

oh kelli i am so sorry to hear about these results :( we´re praying for abe over here in germany and thinking about you! {{{{HUGS}}}}