Saturday, February 14, 2009


I am thankful for today. Right now I am thankful it's over. I am thankful it's behind us. It's hard to explain. I am thankful for those of you that "get it". Those that understand why it's so hard. I am completely exhausted. Thankful I didn't have to lift a finger to make Abe's party happen because if it was up to me he wouldn't have had one. If it was up to Mike we would have had cake and ice cream. Thankfully Aunt Kim and Uncle Papa step in and did it. Thanks to them Abe had a very nice first birthday. I am thankful that Aunt Kim and Emily took pictures so we do have pictures of his birthday. I am thankful to the family and friends that celebrated with us.

Instead of gifts for Abe we asked that everyone bring a blanket for the NICU or a donation towards the rocking chair we are putting in the NICU in honor of all the wonderful doctors and nurses that got us through those first 5 weeks of Abe's life.

We have two beautiful rocking chairs and many many wonderful blankets. Hopefully the nurses in the NICU along with the precious babies will be glad. Not everyone listened to our request for those two things or to the fact that we didn't want to have any wrapped gifts. We wanted this to be a fun and tearless (is that a word) day. That so did not happen. I don't mind crying but I hate being weepy. I was very weepy.

In spite of all the prayers and wonderful well wishes of a seizure free day Abe started with them as soon as he woke up. I was trying so very hard not to give him a Klonopin wafer. I wanted everyone to see him awake and alert for a little while. It didn't take long to realize he was going to have to have some relief. I gave him the wafer and quickly he was having some respiratory issues. I brought his oxygen but no nasal canular. My sweet nephew went to the house and got it. Soon he was showing signs of some low sugar issues or something that his body wasn't liking. I just did not pack well that morning and didn't even have his glucose meter. My precious niece went to the house that time. By this time I was struggling with my emotions and I was sick at my stomach. I wanted to run. These are times when I wish we were at Disney World.

We had a wonderful meal as always that was prepared by Uncle Papa. I think everyone enjoyed the day. Abe's sweet tender hearted daddy prayed the sweetest prayer. I am so very thankful for my husband and children that God has blessed me with.

We received so many nice emails and messages today. We want to thank each of you for those. I am thankful for those of you that said I understand and it's ok for you to feel this way on his birthday. I am also thankful for those of you that said I don't understand and I am praying. A friend of mine sent this and I keep repeating it over and over.

Praying that each new day be blessed,with each one being better than the one before it.

What more should I want? What more could I ask for? That's perfect. Today was filled with so many blessings. This was a day for healing. I know that when the healing takes place God is molding me. It's not always so pleasent during the molding process. Even though I want to be molded into a better person, it's still hard. I keep hearing this song. "He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me" I feel Him working on me and for that I am thankful. I am thankful He hasn't given up on me.

I am not sure whether to share this or not but a high point for the party was a special appearance by Sheetarius. That made my day. It was a much needed laugh for me. Thanks Sheetarius! I just hate that we didn't get a picture of you with the birthday boy. We will have to make sure we get one at Relay.

Tomorrow we are off to the Big Apple Circus with Camp Sunshine. We are all so very excited about that. A day of laughs and spending time with some dear friends. Hope everyone is having a blessed weekend!

Thank you so much for all the prayers for today!!!

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