This is not how I dreamed Abe's 1st birthday email would go. I thought about waiting but I could really use the prayers now and I know tomorrow will be busy. For those who have been through this ya'll know where I am coming from. For those that don't, thank you for standing there in support praying me through it. Satan and I have been struggling the past few days. He temps, I scream, cry and quote scripture. Around 2:00 this morning I received an email from a precious friend who is not typically up emailing that time of night. I asked her to pray with me about this. You see the problem is that satan keeps throwing up in my face what Abe cannot do and which milestones he hasn't reached. I honestly wish I could have just left this out of this email but ya'll know that's not me. Over the years I have learned it's much better to share my whole heart than just parts of it. So here it is.
I wish so much for Abe but I am wishing for the wrong things. I am wishing for things that world thinks he needs, thinks he should do, thinks makes a perfect child. Well I am human and I think that too. I want him to sit up, smile, laugh, babble, make a mess in his birthday cake, play with bows and presents. OK so that's not going to happen on his first birthday. I want to be ok with that. I want to know that this child God has loaned me to take care of for Him is just what He intends for him to be.
I know that my friend prayed for me. Not long after that it was as if God sat right down beside me. I felt His comforting hand and heard His mighty voice. He said, Abe is just how I made him. He is perfect. He reminded me that He knew all this was going to happen. He knew each step of our journey. He knows each step ahead and as long as we rely on Him and follow Him He is not going to let us fall. He can't control the times I take my eyes off of Him and I stumble like today.
So now here I am praising God in a big way for our precious little baby boy. If you had asked me several times throughout this past year if he would make it until his first birthday I would have said no. There were times when the doctors even said so. I was so very scared! Is Abe a miracle from God? Without a doubt. There were times when we watched his body healed when the doctors said it couldn't be done. They couldn't but God could and He did. So now I am celebrating the baby that God made. The one that is perfect in His sight.
I also want to thank each of you for praying us through this year. Without each of you this journey would have been very lonely. Each of you have played a part on getting us through. We are so very thankful for each of you.