Last night Abe stopped breathing. We think it may have been a seizure. Last night would have been his first night completely off his seizure medication. Instead I gave him a dose right away. He slept on the monitor last night and did well. I put him back on his full dose of phenobarbital today. I was head strong on getting him off that but God has other plans. Please pray for Abe's precious body. Please pray for me as I am having a really tough time with this. I told Mike today that I haven't accepted the fact that I didn't have my perfect son. Mike quickly reminded me he is perfect. I haven't grieved not having the son I dreamed of. Again I know the steps. I am now trying to transition from denial to grief. Soon I will accept that this is definitely a different path than I had planned. I should have known! He is following Mary Elizabeth pattern very closely and it's not one I want to relive. I need strength and right now I am struggling. Please pray that Mike and I both will have clear reasonable heads to make decisions in the coming days for Abe.
I didn't email this before now because I had not had a chance to talk to Marlee Anne about it. I didn't want her hearing from someone before I could tell her. She had a sweet friend come over and spend the day with her so if gave me a chance to make phone calls and deal with Abe. When she left I sat down with Marlee Anne and talked to her. She listened very well. After I was done she reached for my hand and said mom let's pray. She asked God to surround Abe with all the angels that He has. She said God please don't let Abe go back to the NICU or die. The prayers of a child. God has to hear those!