Saturday, February 16, 2008


The nightmare all over again. Never did I think that this would happen to Abe. Almost 15 years ago it was the same thing with Mary Elizabeth. The nurse had just come in and taken Abe down to the nursery for a bath. It was 2:15 AM and she said they would be back in about 30 minutes. It was 2:30 AM and I heard them call a code blue. I knew in my heart it was Abe. I waited 15 more minutes and then walked down to the nursery. They finally came in and told me it was Abe. They left me in that room all by myself while I called Mike and told him Abe had stopped breathing and Angel II was on there way to take him to Egleston. Not long after that he was at the hospital with me. On the ride to Egleston I was numb. How could God allow this to happen to us again. I was so not ready, so not prepared for this. I wanted to take my healthy baby boy home with me. I would soon find out he wasn't a healthy baby boy and he wasn't coming home for awhile.

As we walked back to see Abe for the first time in the NICU feelings I thought were gone came flooding back to me from 15 years ago with Mary Elizabeth. It was a weird feeling mixed with horror, fear, disbelief, but also peace and comfort knowing he was in the best place possible to find out what was going on. I was so not ready for this. I wasn't sure that I could handle this.

One of the hardest things for me on this journey was that I kept comparing things that Abe was doing to things that happened with Mary Elizabeth. Was this the same thing happening all over again? We knew what we wanted to take place as far as test. We knew which doctors we wanted there for him. Of course that's a chance happening because we would get whoever was on call. From the minute all this began I saw God's hand the entire time. My dear sweet friend recently told me that God knew this day would come long before Abe was formed in my womb. I have to remind myself of that. I did continue to see the path that God had planned ahead for. The doctors that say Abe including the neurologist and endocrinologist were doctors we wanted there. The nurses he placed in our path to take care of Abe and me were definitely put there by God.

I know that I will continue to have thoughts of this journey that I want to share. They just may be here and there as they come to mind. Thanks for sharing this with us and for your continued prayers.

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