Thursday, March 29, 2007

My Heart Time

It's 1:00 AM. This is my time to think, reflect and just really deal with my heart. This week has been WOW! What a rollercoaster.

Yesterday my friend died. She had been battling the ugly "C" word for years. She was our honorary chair for our Relay For Life this year. Tonight was visitation. The line poured out the funeral home doors and down the side walk of our little town. Along with all those hometown folk came so much love and admiration. Cindy's mom said Kelli she didn't have any friends. We kind of snickered and said no she didn't. The wait to visit with the family was over an hour. As we stood in line you could hear people telling stories and reminiscing about Cindy. What a truly amazing woman she is. I am sure by now she is no longer a member of Heaven's choir but leading it. As tears flowed down my face the other day as Cindy's sister in law Pam was telling me that she had just died, Pam said Cindy has been working towards this day all her life. She truly was. Each day, each step she was headed in the right direction. God was perfecting her more and more each day.

As I visited with Mr. Sammy, Cindy's daddy my heart filled more and more. He told stories of my daddy. I could have sat there all day and listened. As he talked I could see my daddy's smile, smell him, feel his loving embrace like a teddy bear and hear that voice. Mr. Sammy would be talking away and then stop and say you remember that. Oh what a feeling.

As I was sitting here I began thinking of Tristan. Many of ya'll remember Tristan. Saturday will be the second anniversary of his death. His mom told me that they call it his Feast Day. I had never heard of that before so I began looking it up. I made them a Feast Day card in honor of Tristan's Feast Day. I assume that's the right thing to do because I found Feast Day cards online. I am sure by now Kathleen is used to my ignorance and know that I meant it in love. Recently Mary Elizabeth has started crossing her legs the way Tristan used to. It's so wonderful to see quiet gently reminders of him. I wanted to take the time to give them a reminder that he is not forgotten.

Back to dealing with my heart. Twice recently I have been reminded that I have the type of heart I have for a reason. I just wish it wasn't so tender and didn't hurt so much. They say I have the gift of empathy. I cannot remember the quote exactly but it's something tis better to have loved and lost than never love at all. Is that right? Well ya'll know what I mean.

Well it's really late now. I am not sure any of this post made sense but it helped to be able to share my heart. Honestly I will try to do better about updating my blog.

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