Thursday, August 29, 2013


I have written this, prayed, cried, deleted it, prayed, cried, prayed & wrote it again. The words haven't seemed to change nor the pain in my heart. Writing it hasn't made it easier to breathe. Hoping prayers will bring peace. 

Today is my brother Tommy's angel day. I miss him more than ever! Every year on this day for 14 years my mom & I would talk about Tommy, shed some tears, share some smiles & laughs. Today I am once again reminded how different things are with her having dementia. 

All my life I could & have talked to my mom about any & everything. She was always the one I ran to. All my fears, all my joys, the sadness, the heartaches, hurts, prayers & praises. Over the past few weeks things I would typically discuss with her I couldn't. I could always share what was going on in our life & she would pray with me. She always knew what to say, which scripture to share with me & even when no words were helpful she would sit quietly. 

Thursday mom got really mad at me for not giving her some Tylenol. She had just had some 2 hours before. She didn't remember that & thought I was just being mean to her. Debbie came to pick her up to get her ready for her doctor's appt on Friday because our three had appts at Egleston on Friday. She said she would never come back to our house because I wouldn't give her medicine. Those of you that have dealt with this reminded me it's not my mother but the disease. Still that doesn't take away the hurt & pain in my heart. As of today she is still at her home with Debbie & Bryant. 

Friday they took her to the orthopedist about her knee. A mass was found & she was sent to the oncologist. The oncologist said that the mass is damaging her knee & she needed to know where it was coming from. Where all this had started. She found a lump in her breast & scheduled a mammogram. 

Yesterday her mammogram showed three lumps. She had an ultrasound & will be having a biopsy next week. She also had an X-ray of her spine & chest. Waiting on those results. 

Please pray with us for healing for mom & God's will to be done. Our hearts are hurting. I am struggling with understanding all this. 


Juanita said...

I am covering you and your family, especially your mother in praer right now. I can't begin to fathom what you are going through but I know you are a strong Christian woman your daily testimony. In His hands, Nita

Sheilah said...

Kelli - Billy and I will be praying for you as you deal with your mom. We remember Mrs. Mary Jo very fondly - such a sweet and beautiful lady. I am amazed at how much God trusts you with. He really values you and knows that you will still love and glorify Him 'no matter what happens'. You are His prized possession in His Holy showcase. He' so proud of you. We all are. Love you, Sheilah

Sheilah said...
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JHardy said...

Mike and I are praying for you!! We asked our church family to pray for your mom last night. I am having similar experiences with my mom now. She has started on some meds that are helping with the memory but it's always unpredictable. Please keep us in touch and let us know how to help you! I love you!! - Jackie

Pam Dew said...

Kelli, I remember meeting your sweet mother at the United Way luncheon a couple of years ago. She was so proud telling me she was your mom. I remember how hard it was when Bob's dad got sick toward the end of his life. He came to live with us when I was just 36 years old, and stayed 15 years! Although he did not have dementia, his pain could make him mad and mean. Even though I knew he didn't mean the things he said, it still hurt. One day I told him that he really hurt my feelings and I didn't deserve that. It was amazing how much he understood and said he was so sorry. Remember that your mother has loved you all of your life, and the things she says are not really what she feels. You are a wonderful person and God knows you can handle all of this in order to make her life easier, even if it is hard right now. Prayers for you, sweet lady!