NOT AGAIN!

The nightmare all over again. Never did I think that this would happen to Abe. Almost 15 years ago it was the same thing with Mary Elizabeth. The nurse had just come in and taken Abe down to the nursery for a bath. It was 2:15 AM and she said they would be back in about 30 minutes. It was 2:30 AM and I heard them call a code blue. I knew in my heart it was Abe. I waited 15 more minutes and then walked down to the nursery. They finally came in and told me it was Abe. They left me in that room all by myself while I called Mike and told him Abe had stopped breathing and Angel II was on there way to take him to Egleston. Not long after that he was at the hospital with me. On the ride to Egleston I was numb. How could God allow this to happen to us again. I was so not ready, so not prepared for this. I wanted to take my healthy baby boy home with me. I would soon find out he wasn't a healthy baby boy and he wasn't coming home for awhile.

As we walked back to see Abe for the first time in the NICU feelings I thought were gone came flooding back to me from 15 years ago with Mary Elizabeth. It was a weird feeling mixed with horror, fear, disbelief, but also peace and comfort knowing he was in the best place possible to find out what was going on. I was so not ready for this. I wasn't sure that I could handle this.

One of the hardest things for me on this journey was that I kept comparing things that Abe was doing to things that happened with Mary Elizabeth. Was this the same thing happening all over again? We knew what we wanted to take place as far as test. We knew which doctors we wanted there for him. Of course that's a chance happening because we would get whoever was on call. From the minute all this began I saw God's hand the entire time. My dear sweet friend recently told me that God knew this day would come long before Abe was formed in my womb. I have to remind myself of that. I did continue to see the path that God had planned ahead for. The doctors that say Abe including the neurologist and endocrinologist were doctors we wanted there. The nurses he placed in our path to take care of Abe and me were definitely put there by God.

I know that I will continue to have thoughts of this journey that I want to share. They just may be here and there as they come to mind. Thanks for sharing this with us and for your continued prayers.

Abe's birthday!

I am sitting here in awe looking at this precious angel that has appeared in my life less than 8 hrs ago. I don't see how God loves me this much to bless me so. I stand, well sit amazed!

2 hrs later I wrote this - Who would have thought I would have fallen in love again on Valentine's Day. I never thought there would be another man in my life. This little man has quickly stolen my heart. I honestly didn't think I would love another like this. I now understand the special bond between mom and my sister and their baby boys. I never understood it but now I do. It's truly a love like no other.

Marlee Anne is packing for the hospital!

It has hit Marlee Anne that the baby will be here tomorrow. She has been excited each night when I start having contractions and she thinks that night might be the night. She has had her bag packed this whole time but with night stuff not real sure of what to take. Today she is packing fun stuff for us to have there. Little games for us to do together, coloring book and crayons, crackers for me and Granmama, and she wanted to know if the baby could have some gummy bears. She is so sweet! She has packed him one of her special blankets along with a toy that is Michala's. She asked Michala's permission though.

It's hard for me to believe that today is my last day with just my three little angel girls. Soon we will have a new addition. I am excited about this new adventure. I can't wait to hold him in my arms. Thanks so very much for all your prayers. Hopefully it won't be long before we have the blog filled with pictures and lots of fun stories.

Big Apple Circus!

This group reminded me so very much of the Krytos that we loved at Disney. They were absolutely amazing.

WOOHOO!!! We made it. Today we were invited to the special Camp Sunshine day at Big Apple Circus. This is always a very special time for our family. The girls can actually see what's going on and really love it. Mary Elizabeth laughed the entire time, Michala clapped and screamed, Marlee Anne was amazed the entire time.

This circus is really very amazing. If you ever have the chance to go see it do it. The performers are incredible. It was so funny to listen to all the adults laughing. The coolest thing is some of these families lives have been so filled with tears going through cancer treatments and watching their children suffer. Too look around and see smiles on their faces is absolutely wonderful. The oohs and aahs and gasp are incredible too. The last act almost put me into labor. Well I said almost. No I am still here with this precious little one getting ready to make his presence.

Each time we have the opportunity to do something with Camp Sunshine we are so blessed. To see other families that have been through the same things as you, to see how far we have all come and to have the chance to rally around those newly diagnosed families or those families battling this nasty disease once again is truly a gift. I know that may sound a little strange but it's true. It's a family bond that is so very strong.

The Camp Sunshine staff, volunteers and family are amazing themselves. They work so hard to make sure there are activities to keep us all connected. They continue to support us all in whatever way they can. They are all such blessings.

When we walked into the tent, Grandma from the Big Apple Circus asked Michala if she brought her a tuna sandwich. Michala just thinks Grandma is the best. Maybe she reminds her of her granmama. LOL!!! Marlee Anne went up to Grandma and told her we watched her on TV. She knew right away it was the Food Network. It was the Dinner Impossible episode called Circus Juggle. If you have the chance to watch it do. It was really good.

Jeff Foxworthy, who Mike and I have admired for quite some time, was the honorary ringmaster. We saw him at the Punchline years ago. I wish I remembered what year that was. He just stood around afterwards talking to a group of us. We thought then he was a great guy. Since then we have had several opportunities to meet him. One of those time was at a Camp Sunshine Christmas party and Michala pinched him on the booty. When Jeff turned around Mike apologized and blamed it on me. Today after the show Jeff came up and took a picture with the girls. Marlee Anne got his autograph and of course had to talk to him about EVERYTHING!!! Yes Lori we made sure to tell Jeff what a geek Mike is and he is going to be the first adult to win the million dollars on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. Jeff was very excited about that.

Thanks Camp Sunshine for a wonderful day out filled with lots of fun, love and laughs!

Note regarding pictures... you cannot use a flash and I couldn't get the settings on my camera right until intermission so I only got pictures of the last half of the circus. I am very pleased with the pictures I did get for the girls' scrapbook.

A few cards!

I typically don't share craft projects I do on the blog. I said I would get better about that. I have a view cards I thought I would post. Nothing big but just something that was fun to work on.

I forgot to take a picture of the first Target mailbox I did. That was a lot of fun. Marlee Anne & I made it for her best friend Mackenzie. She already gave it to her to she could enjoy it longer. I will see if her mom can take a picture of it for us to post.

Just one more thing!

You can take that subject line however you would like. Right now I feel like a camel. Even though I really don't know much about them I see them as being fairly tough guys. Able to with stand a load. I imagine them though taking about all they can take. What will break their backs, their strength, their endurance & their spirit? What will be the final thing that does them in? Probably nothing huge I imagine. I am thinking just a toothpick. A little splinter. Just something really small.

Well to get on with the news I got today. The baby has an enlarged kidney. The ultrasound will not show the reason for this. Once the baby is born they will then ultrasound his kidneys and see what's going on. There are a couple of things that it could be. A blockage and his kidney just not emptying. Or bladder reflux where the bladder backs up into the kidney.

We are claiming that it's NOTHING!!! Even though I feel knocked down at this moment. Mike had a meeting he could not miss so I was by myself at the appt. I was blown away when I heard these words. My rock wasn't there and it was tough. I was once again reminded why God brought Mike and I together. Well even though I am feeling this way now I KNOW without a doubt that I serve a God that is in the miracle business. I know without a doubt that this baby can be born without anything being wrong.

I don't even want to go into the fact that I am sure there's an easy fix. Send him to a pediatric urologist. I can hear the laughs and sighs of unbelief now from our friends that understand the "one more thing" attitude I have right now. Of course we don't have a pediatric urologist on The Hopkins staff right now. Why not add it right?

I have to admit my No Matter What Happens attitude is being greatly tested right now. I don't understand why God allows things. Good and bad. Each day I am so overwhelming blessed by the most amazing family that I could never even have dreamed them up. I wouldn't have dreamed them up because looking at them through my eyes like those of the world's I would have missed all the blessings. Thankfully I see them through God's eyes. I see the perfection he has created. OK so I will give him credit for all the wonderful blessings in my life. However right now he is allowing this. I hate this! I do not want this.

I know it's not obvious but I honestly have been praying since I left the doctor's office about this. I thought that I could get these thoughts out where they would make sense. It seems like I am rambling. I just figured this would be the easiest way to share this news than to try and explain while I was crying on the phone with those of you that have called to check.

On a side note they did not weigh the baby. Right now we are just waiting to see when he will decide to make his appearance. Unless of course the OB decides to induce. I see him again on Monday. Tuesday is Abraham Lincoln's birthday so Mike thought it would be neat if his little Abe was born that day. We shall see!

Right now just please pray that this is just a glitch in the ultrasound. Please pray that everything is fine with our precious baby. Please pray for peace for Mike & I. If you have read this far thank you for wading through my thoughts and allowing me to share them with you.

Still pregnant!

Well yes here I am sitting with my sweet baby still in my belly. I am 11 days away from my due date. You would think this is my first child. Just waiting on the contractions to get stronger and more steady. Tomorrow I am back to the specialist to check this little guy and make sure everything is still fine. Also to check his weight.

Today Mike said you know we are about to have a baby. I laughed and reminded him that the reason God gives the baby 9 months to grow is to help us prepare to be parents, whether for the first time or fourth time. He said I know but we are about to have 4 children. What were we thinking? Those are his words now as I am about to give birth to this baby.

We are both so excited to meet this little guy. See how the girls react to him. See how they all grow together. We are excited about the love and excitement he is sure to add to our home.

My Valentine!

This was a picture I had been wanting to take so Marlee Anne and I did it this evening when I got back from the appt. Here is the quick layout I came up with. It's always rewarding to get a layout done. I just usually don't share them because I let myself get intimidated by the beautiful layouts online. Any way I thought I would share this one. I was pleased with how it came together.

No words!

Here I am it's 12:30 in the morning. I was about to post pictures on our blog. I check my email real quick and my friend Cyndi has left me a message. It's funny cause it's kinda like a scavenger hunt. I go to one link only to find another link I have to go to. This one http://cyndiakadisneyqueen.blogspot.com/2008/01/congratulations-kelli.html Daily I am amazed by God's love. Disney means so much more to our family than just Mickey Mouse. It's so very hard to put into words. Once you read what these precious precious friends have done for us you will be able to catch a glimpse of it. I am amazed, touch and so very thrilled. Funny thing is they know how incredible hard it's going to be to wait about opening the gifts. I promise to try very hard. Thanks ya'll! You know I love ya'll dearly and couldn't make it without ya'll!

So I am going to post my email that I just sent out to friends and family. Mainly to have it for later when I print our blog and use it to scrapbook. Also so that I don't have to retype everything here.

I am dilated to a 3 and 50% effaced. The pain that I am feeling is his elbow which is pushing into my belly button, his bottom and his hip bone pushing at the other spot that is hurting. The specialist said it's just that he has no room and that's the position he seems to be staying in. I am so very thankful it's nothing to do with the umbilical cord or anything wrong with the baby. I told the specialist I can handle the pain as long as I know the baby is safe.

The baby weighs 7lbs 5 oz. The specialist is not concerned about the baby's head getting stuck. He said he will just not drop if it's too big but he is thinking I should not have a problem delivering. WOOHOO!!! A huge blessing. A dear friend of mine that is a retired labor and delivery nurse gave me a peace of mind when she called me early this week and reminded me that God made our bodies for this and that I could do it. Well the specialist told me basically the same thing today.

Seeing him on the ultrasound today made me even more excited and anxious to get to see him. Thanks so very much for your prayers! We are getting closer and closer to seeing our little one.

Oh and we are not keeping his name a secret we have just not fully agreed. Well some of us have not. Dad wants to be the one to name him because he didn't get to name the girls. He has chosen Abraham Thomas and call him Abe. Abraham is because it's a name that Mike really likes. He wants an old, strong name. Thomas is after my daddy and brother. So I guess we will see when he gets here but of course more than likely the girls and I will give in and let daddy have his way. Don't tell him but we really like the name. We are just trying to add more excitement to our lives. LOL!!!

Here are some pictures from today of our precious baby boy. The first is of his profile. The second is one of his sweet little foot.

George

George is even getting ready for the little baby to come. He has been trying out all the baby stuff. He especially loves the pack and play. We catch him in there most days. Marlee Anne even got some pictures of him in there. She even propt up his head to get a better picture. She also wanted to get a picture of him touching my belly. Just had to share them with ya'll.

ANOTHER shower?

Well SURPRISE! Mike called and said I just finished with a shower. I said for who? He said, Abe. That's the name he has picked out in case you haven't heard. Abraham Thomas. So anyway he thought they were having his birthday lunch at work. Turns out they had him a surprise baby shower. WOW! That was awesome! He was so touched and very proud. Kim & I joked about how red his face must have been the whole time. Here you can tell.

All the gifts were great and much appreciated. One of our favorites was a denim jacket from Ann.

Marlee Anne had so much fun going through all the fun stuff he got. Michala LOVED the cake he brought home. She is not to picky when it comes to cake colors. Even though it was blue and in honor of her baby brother she ate it.

Marlee Anne's first snow!

Well actually her first snow that she really remembers. It snowed earlier in the week but not as much as it did today. I just wanted to share some pictures of it.

Our couples shower!

Kim and Keith hosted a couples shower for Baby Hopkins. It was so very special because it included Mike. We had a blast celebrating with some very special friends of ours. Keith cooked a wonderful meal that everyone enjoyed. The night was filled with laughs and reminiscing over so many different memories.

Marlee Anne wished that the kids had come so they could have a kids table. She asked could we have another baby so we could have another shower. Aunt Kim quickly said oh no but we can have a celebration party when the baby gets here. That was plenty good for Marlee Anne. Even more reason for her to be excited for him to get here. I don't have pictures of this night yet but will post them soon.

Here is a picture of our beautiful invitation Kim made.

What a day!

Today we had another baby shower for Prince Hopkins. What an amazing day! I was so touched by the people that came. The gifts were just so incredible. The decorations and food were perfect. All of it was so perfect. It was held at my adopted sister's house, Amber. Mimi was telling someone how long she had known me. Yes it made me feel quite old. Those are such special memories. Mimi, Amber & Brooke hosted the shower. Like they do everything it was perfect. I was so proud to show off Amber's castle as everyone was calling it. What a perfect place for Prince Hopkins' shower to be held.

Too many gifts to tell you all about them but I have to share a few of my very special ones and favorites. All of them were wonderful, greatly appreciated and much needed. Each of the girls have very special blankets made by our dear family friend Miss Emmy. Well of course our prince is no exception. I keep repeating prince trying to convince myself that we are actually about to have a baby boy in our home. Well Miss Emmy and Martha made a beautiful quilt along with a very special blanket for him. We love it! Our dear neighbor Sally made a beautiful frog quilt for him. So much detail and love in it. Our Lighthouse family partner Peggy knited him an incredibly soft and lovely blue blanket. All of these will be cherished forever! The one gift that made me cry was a soft blue blanket that had been embroidered with Future Prince Charming. I was crying so hard I couldn't tell the story. Most of you know about our special Prince Charming that works for Disney. It took all of 5 minutes for him to steal our hearts. Well minutes before I opened the beautiful blanket that his mom and sister gave us he called me at the shower. Such a special gift!

You know when you are planning a shower list you sometimes are not sure who to invite. Well each and every person that came was so very excited to be there. They were there to celebrate this very special life that God has blessed us with. I am so very over joyed.

Uncle Papa called and asked Mike what he wanted for his birthday meal. How very perfect! My chose fried Tilapia. As soon as I got home from the shower, got the gifts unloaded we were headed over there to eat. It was a wonderful birthday celebration!

OK I will try to post shower pictures tomorrow. Off to get some rest now.

Mike's 46th birthday

I told several people that he was going to be 45 but after thinking it through - NOPE he is 46. He has done good! Would never know he was 46. Well he 12 month plus pregnant wife just couldn't pull off anything special this year. I didn't even feel up to cooking. Thankfully Marlee Anne stepped in. She made wonderful decorations and even cooked him chicken nuggets. She eats frozen chicken nuggets way too much cause she can fix them herself. She is so very proud. She put them on his plate and even gave him so ketchup. She then fixed him so bacon and cheese sandwiches. It was a fun night and he was happy. All that matters! Granny made him a cake and she and Papa brought it by to add to the festivities.

Prince Hopkins' first baby shower!

Today was my family baby shower. My niece Staci hosted it and did an amazing job. It was held at Party on Main in Porterdale. That's a really nice place if anyone needs a place to have something. Staci did a beautiful job with everything. I was so very proud!

It was so wonderful to have our families together. We got so many wonderful and special gifts. It was such a special day! Marlee Anne was so excited about the first shower for her baby brother. She had not been feeling good but she said she just had to go. She loved opening the presents and seeing what fun stuff we got.

White Christmas!

Not snow white and not really at Christmas. This year our get together with the White’s and Zittrouer’s was postponed because of Brooke’s surgery. It was so good to get together when we did though. We had hot dogs, chili, salad and baked potatoes. Yummy! Do you see a pattern here? Yes usually around here it’s about the food. They pulled out guitar hero and it was so much fun to watch. Once the baby comes I will be ready to play it.

Christmas? No New Year's Ever!

Well it depends on who you ask. For several years now we have celebrated Christmas with Uncle Papa, Aunt Kim, Erika & Grace on New Year's Eve. It such a relaxing and fun time. No one is rushed or worried about what's next. It's kind of a down time and such a special time for all of us. I think everyone has a different reason that they love it so very much! This year we were blessed to have Kevin, Erika's boyfriend join us.

Food is always huge for us. At least for Uncle Papa and I. We love New Year's Eve because we can all choose something from wherever we want. No one place and that's it. Aunt Kim chose pizza, Erika & Kevin Longhorn's, Grace & Marlee Anne Zacby's, Mike Mandarin, Uncle Papa Krystal & Michala & I some of all of it. Mary Elizabeth enjoyed her own concoctions. I cannot believe I did not get a picture of the table with all the food. Amazing!

After eating we opened presents. This is always such a fun time. It always seems to be so many fun and perfect gifts. Mine included lots of fun pampering stuff. I almost forgot. Every year Grace and Marlee Anne get Mike & Unlce Papa with silly string. They surprised them right before we started opening gifts this year.

After presents it's usually game time for Grace, Marlee Anne, Aunt Kim & I while Uncle Papa & Mike take naps. This year they even stayed awake to play pictionary with us. We all had a blast with that one.

Midnight and time for toasts. Marlee Anne's toast went something like this, In the spirit of community thank you for the park for sister and Michala. Most everyday this little girl amazes me. What a way to start the New Year!

Mary Elizabeth usually picks each New Year's Eve to show off and gain a little extra attention. This year her temp dropped real low all of a sudden. Thankfully she had gotten some new blankets to help get her temp up. Just had to share the picture too!

Christmas picture challenge

I have a dear cyber friend, Angie, that's an amazing photographer. She challenged our group to take pictures of our Christmas trees. My pictures are no where near as good as hers but I said I would share them. Thanks for the challenge Angie!

Living room tree

Kitchen tree

Therapy room tree

Marlee Anne's tree

Pizza with Kylie's family

It is so funny how "c" families are recognized. It's usually not by their last names. Usually it's by the name of the child with "c". Well our dear friend's the Harris' are always known to us as Kylie's family. It's one of those friendships that you know why it was started, you know the connection but you can't or I can't put my finger of the time or day. Probably thanks to wonderful Camp Sunshine.

Well 6:00 couldn't get there fast enough. Marlee Anne watched the clock all day. She was so excited for Kylie to get there. Then Noah came to and oh boy it's a boy. She had such a wonderful time with Noah doing "boy" stuff.

Kylie walked in with an plate full of her delicious cookies. I am not even sure they made it a day. We ate delicious pizza and then played Disney DVD Bingo. Really fun!

Well we knew it was time for the decorations to come down after they left. Marlee Anne just couldn't wait to get started. She and Kylie took down all the Christmas cards from the stairs and some decorations off Marlee Anne's tree before Kylie and the rest of her crew had to leave.

After they left Marlee Anne and I finished taking down the decorations from the stairs. Before I knew it we had undecorated three trees. I stayed up and undecorated the last one. I was so tired but it felt great to get all that done.