NOT AGAIN!

The nightmare all over again. Never did I think that this would happen to Abe. Almost 15 years ago it was the same thing with Mary Elizabeth. The nurse had just come in and taken Abe down to the nursery for a bath. It was 2:15 AM and she said they would be back in about 30 minutes. It was 2:30 AM and I heard them call a code blue. I knew in my heart it was Abe. I waited 15 more minutes and then walked down to the nursery. They finally came in and told me it was Abe. They left me in that room all by myself while I called Mike and told him Abe had stopped breathing and Angel II was on there way to take him to Egleston. Not long after that he was at the hospital with me. On the ride to Egleston I was numb. How could God allow this to happen to us again. I was so not ready, so not prepared for this. I wanted to take my healthy baby boy home with me. I would soon find out he wasn't a healthy baby boy and he wasn't coming home for awhile.

As we walked back to see Abe for the first time in the NICU feelings I thought were gone came flooding back to me from 15 years ago with Mary Elizabeth. It was a weird feeling mixed with horror, fear, disbelief, but also peace and comfort knowing he was in the best place possible to find out what was going on. I was so not ready for this. I wasn't sure that I could handle this.

One of the hardest things for me on this journey was that I kept comparing things that Abe was doing to things that happened with Mary Elizabeth. Was this the same thing happening all over again? We knew what we wanted to take place as far as test. We knew which doctors we wanted there for him. Of course that's a chance happening because we would get whoever was on call. From the minute all this began I saw God's hand the entire time. My dear sweet friend recently told me that God knew this day would come long before Abe was formed in my womb. I have to remind myself of that. I did continue to see the path that God had planned ahead for. The doctors that say Abe including the neurologist and endocrinologist were doctors we wanted there. The nurses he placed in our path to take care of Abe and me were definitely put there by God.

I know that I will continue to have thoughts of this journey that I want to share. They just may be here and there as they come to mind. Thanks for sharing this with us and for your continued prayers.

Abe's birthday!

I am sitting here in awe looking at this precious angel that has appeared in my life less than 8 hrs ago. I don't see how God loves me this much to bless me so. I stand, well sit amazed!

2 hrs later I wrote this - Who would have thought I would have fallen in love again on Valentine's Day. I never thought there would be another man in my life. This little man has quickly stolen my heart. I honestly didn't think I would love another like this. I now understand the special bond between mom and my sister and their baby boys. I never understood it but now I do. It's truly a love like no other.

Marlee Anne is packing for the hospital!

It has hit Marlee Anne that the baby will be here tomorrow. She has been excited each night when I start having contractions and she thinks that night might be the night. She has had her bag packed this whole time but with night stuff not real sure of what to take. Today she is packing fun stuff for us to have there. Little games for us to do together, coloring book and crayons, crackers for me and Granmama, and she wanted to know if the baby could have some gummy bears. She is so sweet! She has packed him one of her special blankets along with a toy that is Michala's. She asked Michala's permission though.

It's hard for me to believe that today is my last day with just my three little angel girls. Soon we will have a new addition. I am excited about this new adventure. I can't wait to hold him in my arms. Thanks so very much for all your prayers. Hopefully it won't be long before we have the blog filled with pictures and lots of fun stories.

Big Apple Circus!

This group reminded me so very much of the Krytos that we loved at Disney. They were absolutely amazing.

WOOHOO!!! We made it. Today we were invited to the special Camp Sunshine day at Big Apple Circus. This is always a very special time for our family. The girls can actually see what's going on and really love it. Mary Elizabeth laughed the entire time, Michala clapped and screamed, Marlee Anne was amazed the entire time.

This circus is really very amazing. If you ever have the chance to go see it do it. The performers are incredible. It was so funny to listen to all the adults laughing. The coolest thing is some of these families lives have been so filled with tears going through cancer treatments and watching their children suffer. Too look around and see smiles on their faces is absolutely wonderful. The oohs and aahs and gasp are incredible too. The last act almost put me into labor. Well I said almost. No I am still here with this precious little one getting ready to make his presence.

Each time we have the opportunity to do something with Camp Sunshine we are so blessed. To see other families that have been through the same things as you, to see how far we have all come and to have the chance to rally around those newly diagnosed families or those families battling this nasty disease once again is truly a gift. I know that may sound a little strange but it's true. It's a family bond that is so very strong.

The Camp Sunshine staff, volunteers and family are amazing themselves. They work so hard to make sure there are activities to keep us all connected. They continue to support us all in whatever way they can. They are all such blessings.

When we walked into the tent, Grandma from the Big Apple Circus asked Michala if she brought her a tuna sandwich. Michala just thinks Grandma is the best. Maybe she reminds her of her granmama. LOL!!! Marlee Anne went up to Grandma and told her we watched her on TV. She knew right away it was the Food Network. It was the Dinner Impossible episode called Circus Juggle. If you have the chance to watch it do. It was really good.

Jeff Foxworthy, who Mike and I have admired for quite some time, was the honorary ringmaster. We saw him at the Punchline years ago. I wish I remembered what year that was. He just stood around afterwards talking to a group of us. We thought then he was a great guy. Since then we have had several opportunities to meet him. One of those time was at a Camp Sunshine Christmas party and Michala pinched him on the booty. When Jeff turned around Mike apologized and blamed it on me. Today after the show Jeff came up and took a picture with the girls. Marlee Anne got his autograph and of course had to talk to him about EVERYTHING!!! Yes Lori we made sure to tell Jeff what a geek Mike is and he is going to be the first adult to win the million dollars on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. Jeff was very excited about that.

Thanks Camp Sunshine for a wonderful day out filled with lots of fun, love and laughs!

Note regarding pictures... you cannot use a flash and I couldn't get the settings on my camera right until intermission so I only got pictures of the last half of the circus. I am very pleased with the pictures I did get for the girls' scrapbook.

A few cards!

I typically don't share craft projects I do on the blog. I said I would get better about that. I have a view cards I thought I would post. Nothing big but just something that was fun to work on.

I forgot to take a picture of the first Target mailbox I did. That was a lot of fun. Marlee Anne & I made it for her best friend Mackenzie. She already gave it to her to she could enjoy it longer. I will see if her mom can take a picture of it for us to post.

Just one more thing!

You can take that subject line however you would like. Right now I feel like a camel. Even though I really don't know much about them I see them as being fairly tough guys. Able to with stand a load. I imagine them though taking about all they can take. What will break their backs, their strength, their endurance & their spirit? What will be the final thing that does them in? Probably nothing huge I imagine. I am thinking just a toothpick. A little splinter. Just something really small.

Well to get on with the news I got today. The baby has an enlarged kidney. The ultrasound will not show the reason for this. Once the baby is born they will then ultrasound his kidneys and see what's going on. There are a couple of things that it could be. A blockage and his kidney just not emptying. Or bladder reflux where the bladder backs up into the kidney.

We are claiming that it's NOTHING!!! Even though I feel knocked down at this moment. Mike had a meeting he could not miss so I was by myself at the appt. I was blown away when I heard these words. My rock wasn't there and it was tough. I was once again reminded why God brought Mike and I together. Well even though I am feeling this way now I KNOW without a doubt that I serve a God that is in the miracle business. I know without a doubt that this baby can be born without anything being wrong.

I don't even want to go into the fact that I am sure there's an easy fix. Send him to a pediatric urologist. I can hear the laughs and sighs of unbelief now from our friends that understand the "one more thing" attitude I have right now. Of course we don't have a pediatric urologist on The Hopkins staff right now. Why not add it right?

I have to admit my No Matter What Happens attitude is being greatly tested right now. I don't understand why God allows things. Good and bad. Each day I am so overwhelming blessed by the most amazing family that I could never even have dreamed them up. I wouldn't have dreamed them up because looking at them through my eyes like those of the world's I would have missed all the blessings. Thankfully I see them through God's eyes. I see the perfection he has created. OK so I will give him credit for all the wonderful blessings in my life. However right now he is allowing this. I hate this! I do not want this.

I know it's not obvious but I honestly have been praying since I left the doctor's office about this. I thought that I could get these thoughts out where they would make sense. It seems like I am rambling. I just figured this would be the easiest way to share this news than to try and explain while I was crying on the phone with those of you that have called to check.

On a side note they did not weigh the baby. Right now we are just waiting to see when he will decide to make his appearance. Unless of course the OB decides to induce. I see him again on Monday. Tuesday is Abraham Lincoln's birthday so Mike thought it would be neat if his little Abe was born that day. We shall see!

Right now just please pray that this is just a glitch in the ultrasound. Please pray that everything is fine with our precious baby. Please pray for peace for Mike & I. If you have read this far thank you for wading through my thoughts and allowing me to share them with you.

Still pregnant!

Well yes here I am sitting with my sweet baby still in my belly. I am 11 days away from my due date. You would think this is my first child. Just waiting on the contractions to get stronger and more steady. Tomorrow I am back to the specialist to check this little guy and make sure everything is still fine. Also to check his weight.

Today Mike said you know we are about to have a baby. I laughed and reminded him that the reason God gives the baby 9 months to grow is to help us prepare to be parents, whether for the first time or fourth time. He said I know but we are about to have 4 children. What were we thinking? Those are his words now as I am about to give birth to this baby.

We are both so excited to meet this little guy. See how the girls react to him. See how they all grow together. We are excited about the love and excitement he is sure to add to our home.