I have written this, prayed, cried, deleted it, prayed, cried, prayed & wrote it again. The words haven't seemed to change nor the pain in my heart. Writing it hasn't made it easier to breathe. Hoping prayers will bring peace.
Today is my brother Tommy's angel day. I miss him more than ever! Every year on this day for 14 years my mom & I would talk about Tommy, shed some tears, share some smiles & laughs. Today I am once again reminded how different things are with her having dementia.
All my life I could & have talked to my mom about any & everything. She was always the one I ran to. All my fears, all my joys, the sadness, the heartaches, hurts, prayers & praises. Over the past few weeks things I would typically discuss with her I couldn't. I could always share what was going on in our life & she would pray with me. She always knew what to say, which scripture to share with me & even when no words were helpful she would sit quietly.
Thursday mom got really mad at me for not giving her some Tylenol. She had just had some 2 hours before. She didn't remember that & thought I was just being mean to her. Debbie came to pick her up to get her ready for her doctor's appt on Friday because our three had appts at Egleston on Friday. She said she would never come back to our house because I wouldn't give her medicine. Those of you that have dealt with this reminded me it's not my mother but the disease. Still that doesn't take away the hurt & pain in my heart. As of today she is still at her home with Debbie & Bryant.
Friday they took her to the orthopedist about her knee. A mass was found & she was sent to the oncologist. The oncologist said that the mass is damaging her knee & she needed to know where it was coming from. Where all this had started. She found a lump in her breast & scheduled a mammogram.
Yesterday her mammogram showed three lumps. She had an ultrasound & will be having a biopsy next week. She also had an X-ray of her spine & chest. Waiting on those results.
Please pray with us for healing for mom & God's will to be done. Our hearts are hurting. I am struggling with understanding all this.
